Day 861

Yesterday marked 861 days since we were accepted into the Ethiopia program.  861 days full of highs and lows. Happy days and very sad days.  861 days I've waited to see my boy.   

For those who have been following our journey, you know that on February 5th we received a referral for a beautiful 6 year old boy.  He stole our hearts instantly.  Sadly, 7 short weeks later we were told we couldn't move forward with his adoption.  The days following were some of the darkest days of my life.  I felt an amazing sense of peace during this time though.  A peace that I know only comes from my God.  F will always be special to us.  We will love him.  Forever.  Due to the selfishness of man, he will have a tough childhood.  A life no one should ever live, much less an innocent boy.  He is our F.  After grieving the loss of his referral, we pushed on to find our Townes.  That brought us to day 861. 

Day 861 was exciting.  It was wonderful. It was absolutely crazy.  But guess what, I got to see my boy.  My sweet 8 month old baby boy.  I love his face.  Well and the rest of him.  It's just the picture only shows his face.  

When I was struggling with the reality of being pregnant and our adoption being pushed back, God was orchestrating His  plan.  So much more beautiful than I could ever imagine.  Sweet Townes was growing in his beautiful birth mother's belly just as Annalee was in mine.  This is unbelievable.  

Many ask, so when do you go get him?  Ha, that's a loaded question!  We have a while guys. Things are moving SLOW.  I'm preparing myself for a long wait.  I will try to update when we move along.  We have no way of knowing how long.  Just one of the lovely parts of adoption.  Hurry up and wait.  Celebrate every milestone along the way.  

Thank you for your continued support.  Day 861 rocked my socks off.  I love this day.  And I love you.  

The Boy We Thought Was Our Son

It's been a rough few weeks.  We received word that our case was being investigated further but that everything looked good.  We prayed this was true.   After a month, I began to fear something was wrong.  So much that I stopped looking at F's picture.   

Since February 5th, this little boy stole our hearts.  Finally a face to settle deep in my heart.  I carried his picture with me and proudly showed it off.  I would catch myself staring at this terribly pixelated picture.  I imagined this sweet boy being part of our family.  I saw him at our kitchen table during family meals teasing his older sisters, riding in the back seat trying to make Annalee laugh, playing on the farm with his cousins.  We had started to make plans for his room. 

But after receiving a phone call yesterday, we know that this precious child will not be our son.  Without giving too much detail, we can no longer move forward adopting F.  I had prayed that if this day came then it would be because he was going back to his birth family.  This would be joyful as every child deserves to be raised by their biological parents.   But we live in a broken world.  And this is not the case for the sweet boy who melted our hearts.  We live in a world where adults use children as chess pieces.  Where people put their own wants and needs before innocent children. In a world full of corruption.  And now this little 6 year old boy will quite possibly never know the love of a family.  We can pray that this will not be the case.  We will advocate for him. His picture will remain on our refrigerator.  He will always be special to us.  The boy we thought was our son.  

I do not know what God is trying to show us.  If He wanted our hearts broken a little more, then He has surely succeeded.  They're broken plum in half. Maybe F needed an advocate.  I don't know.  Please pray for this child.  Pray that something miraculous will happen and he will not spend the rest of his childhood in an orphanage.  I pray that he hadn't been told we were coming for him.  I pray he's not waiting for us.   

I do not know what lies ahead in our adoption process.  Right now we are trying to grieve the loss of F's referral.  We are trying to prepare our hearts to be joyful for our next referral.  Whenever that will be. 

His Face

I have some news that I want to shout from the mountaintops. 

I saw my son's face.  

That's right, we got THE CALL Thursday night.  It was the last thing I was expecting.  Those words I have been waiting to hear for 2 years.  "We have a little boy we'd like for you to look at."   My heart skipped a beat.  I could hardly speak.  My nerves.  Oh they were shot. Happiness, disbelief, nervousness, amazement.  Yeah, all that.  

I am unbelievably amazed at God's work in our adoption journey.  I could go on and on for days guys.  

Josh and I had been praying about increasing our age to 6.  We had discussed this during our home study update.  Never knowing less than a week later I would be looking at my precious boy.  

Our sweet little 6 year old boy.  We are in love.  Our hearts are so full.  

We officially accepted the referral today and are prayerful that Townes will be moved to one of the orphanages our agency is currently working with very soon. Like this week.  Please join me in this prayer.  It needs to happen.  

Now we work at getting him HOME. It's so hard to know when this will happen. Many things have to be done before he can.  We will go to Ethiopia twice.  These are averages, but our 1st trip for court could be around 4 months from now.  Then around 6-8 weeks between visits. 

We pray he will be home by the end of summer. Once again, we as adoptive parents love our timelines but I have learned to not hold tight to them.   

I also pray that his heart begins to heal.  That he will be open to us and let us in.  As exciting as all of this is, I now know some of my son's story.  And it breaks my heart.  Please keep him in your prayers.  He's suffered so much loss already.  I cannot imagine.  Sweet, sweet boy.  I love you.  

Thank you friends for all your prayers and encouragement.  You have lifted us with prayers when we felt this day would never happen. You have given from your own pockets to help make this happen. I don't know how to adequately say Thank You.  But Thank You.  Thank You.  

Welcome little one

We welcomed our curveball blessing September 10th.  She's pure joy.  I feel so blessed that God sent Annalee to us.  That He knew what our family needed when I sure didn't.  I know she's going to love her big brother as much as she adores her big sisters.  

We have more exciting news!  After speaking with our new social worker yesterday, we figured out that we had missed an email and we've moved on the list.  Yay!  Once Annalee is 6 months old we will be able to accept a referral.  That doesn't mean that we will receive one immediately.  Just that we can accept if  a child becomes available within our approved age range, boy age 0-4.  

This is our kitchen table.  I look forward to many meals being enjoyed as a family of 6.  I can only imagine all the stories and laughs that will be shared.  I might even look forward to all the homework being done at this table.  Yeah, probably not.  

Harder Days Than Others

Just need to talk, vent, I don't know.  Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, though I know it's not.  

While I'm carrying Annalee, and I get to feel every kick, turn, and even those adorable hiccups, my heart aches for my son today.  Like I could lay in bed and cry all day.  I guess it's true...she's growing in my stomach while he grows in my heart.  Don't get me wrong, she is definitely in my heart too.  I feel like it's going to burst sometimes with so much love for my 4 children.  I can't wait until she's here.  I'm ready to snuggle and comfort her in the same way I'm ready to for Townes.  

Being pregnant is making me realize more every moment I am missing as Townes's mommy.  I know God's timing is perfect and he will come to us at the exact moment he is meant to.  And this helps these feelings I have.  But I am still a mother, who just wants ALL her children safe and home.  

We remain #18 on the list.  Please continue to pray for referrals and our friends who are preparing to go meet their children.  Such an exciting time!  Thank you again for your unbelievable support.  

Spring has Sprung!

Spring has arrived and while we are working out in the yard and around the farm, I can't help but see Townes everywhere.  I see him feeding the cows, riding the gator and 4-wheeler with his sisters.  Following every move Josh makes...yes this scares me a tad.  Boys will be boys.  Oh, I can't wait.

I am so excited to be able to make this post.  It has been far too long since we got to change that number...December to be exact.  We moved from #20 to #18 in April.  Hallelujah!  This means that referrals are starting to pick back up and children are being placed with their forever families.  Thank you for your continued prayers!   

Curveball Blessings

Okay, so I haven't been doing a great job at updating the blog.  But honestly there hasn't been much to say.  

We continue to be #20 on the wait list.  Referrals have slowed tremendously.  This is due to many changes going on within Ethiopia.  We are asking for our friends and family to continue praying for Ethiopian adoptions and that we begin seeing referrals again...soon.  Most of these changes are being put into place to benefit the many children needing families so desperately.  The goal is to make adoptions more ethical, which of course we support 100%.  It's just hard.  The waiting.  I want Townes home more than anything I have ever wanted.  

But that's not really the reason why I am writing this post.  We have some big news.  Some very shocking news.  Josh and I will be welcoming a little one this fall.  I'm pregnant and due September 19th.

  

WARNING: Okay, so this post is laced with honesty.   And it's not all pretty.  I'm sorry.  

The past year our main priority has been Townes.  Becoming pregnant wasn't even a thought.  So much, that it's been hard.  I felt I knew what God had planned for our family.  I had found my passion.  I felt my faith had never been stronger.  I finally had things "figured out".   How silly of me.  This is what He does, isn't it?  Once we think WE have our lives figured out...bam.  I know this.  God is showing us how to really rely upon Him.  But it's difficult when it happens.  Especially if it means possibly having to bring your son home later than planned.  

We know that children are a blessing.  We know we will love this child, just like our others.  This curveball blessing we've been thrown.  We know there are so many people who pray daily to be in our situation.  We know all these things.  And we are coming around to the idea.  Of 4 kids...gulp.  

The Gameplan: So my first question was..what does this mean for our adoption process?   Thankfully we will continue moving down the list as referrals come in.  They will however skip over us until this baby is 6 months old.  So that means there is a possibility that we COULD be at the bottom of the list when we are ready to accept our referral.  This is good news.  My fear was that we would be "stuck" at #20 until Baby T is 6 months old.  

So Townes will be a big brother.  He'll have a sibling closer to his age.  It's going to fun...right?!?!