I don't even really know where to start. In my last post I told you that our agency had told us we couldn't really move forward in Ethiopia. Our hearts were broken. We still felt so strongly that our son was there. Weeks went by. I was struggling. I spent most of my day dreaming about the son we would never know, crying, becoming more and more depressed. Many things bothered me. Our first referral, F. We couldn't find him so I feared he had already become a victim of the sex trade. Our second referral, Y, was so sick that we were unsure how long he might survive. Not that money is everything, but we had spent over $32,000 and were left with what seemed like nothing but emptiness.
On April 6th, I was at my lowest. I remember saying how I felt God had completely abandoned us. I couldn't feel Him anywhere. I was angry. Very angry. I was in my car crying, screaming out to Him. I began to question everything. Were we really called to this? I even questioned His love for me.
Why? Why have you left us here?
My precious, fellow adoptive momma, friend had sent me a post from an agency asking for paperwork ready Ethiopia families earlier in the week. Josh and I had discussed but there was no way we could start all over again. Financially or emotionally. We couldn't afford another $30,000+ nor could our hearts handle sitting on another wait list. I had pushed it aside.
Until that moment.
I decided to call them and just ask what the fees would be. It was nothing serious and I knew it was even ridiculous to call. I asked for the Ethiopia coordinator. She got on the phone. I asked about fees and kinda filled her in on what we had been through the last 3 years. I began to talk about our F. I started to cry. It hurt to talk about him. Remember, we had been told he couldn't be adopted. Read here for more. She asked me for his name...then his orphanage...then I heard
"Mandy, we have him."
"Yes, we have him. He's being adopted by a family that is completely in love with him."
And there I went. Full on ugly sobbing. Tears of disbelief and complete joy. I can't go into details but our precious F is going to have a mommy and a daddy. It's the answer to over a year of prayers. The conversation could have ended there and it would have been amazing. I mean, what are the chances that I found our F? With God nothing is impossible guys.
So once I recovered we moved on to Y. Our last referral that we learned, after 7 months, that he was so incredibly sick with 2 debilitating diseases. Read here for more. She told me about another little boy that was at Y's orphanage that was on their waiting child list. She told me to take a look.
Okay. Here we go.
I had always questioned the photo we had received of Y. I did not feel that it was actually him. It didn't look like the initial photo of him. It didn't look like a child with the disability that he had been diagnosed with. We were told it was, so I didn't push anymore. I was laying in the bed still reeling from finding F when I took a good look. Guess whose face was looking at me? Yep, the same little boy whose face we had fallen in love with.
Mouth drop. Well actually heart drop.
So I was right. We had been given the photo of a different child. I don't know why or how. But we did and I was looking right at him. The child we had stared at for months was sitting on this agency's waiting child list. Waiting for his forever family.
I promise I am not making this up. In one random phone call, I found 2 of our boys. There are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia and in one 30 minute conversation I had found them.
So the same day that I felt that God had completely abandoned us, He began to untangle the web He had been weaving for so long now. A plan that I was having trouble wrapping my head around. I still am really.
I called the next morning to learn more about the little boy whose face we knew all too well. His name starts with Y also. He is 15 months and has some health issues. Possibly significant ones. This agency has been amazing and we have received a diagnosis. We do not know what this means exactly for his future. There is a long range of possibilities from nothing to very serious.
He's beautiful. And he's our son. God lead us right to him. Again. And we can't turn away. As scary as it is, we can't turn away.
So, different agency means we start all over again financially. This is where we struggle. We have no clue how we are going to do it. We are just recovering from the previous $32,000. We can only pray that this money went to benefit children in Ethiopia. But now we have to come up with $14,000 in 2 weeks and another $3,500 in 30 days and another $5,500 in 2 months. This doesn't include travel or any other fees required after the initial 2 months. And there will be more.
People have always said that God will provide. And He did with the first agency and referral fees. I must believe that He will with this also. But I will not lie. I am nervous. I find myself being annoyed that I am so nervous. I must trust Him. I must trust that He, who makes all things possible, will make this possible too. Our God that has moved so many mountains, sometimes right smack into our path, is working a miracle.
Shew, so with ALL that being said my incredible friend has made us a fundraising page. Josh and I struggle asking for financial help. It is difficult and feels uncomfortable, but we can not do this alone. If you would like to support us by giving a donation, please see Missy's page here. If you cannot give financially, please support us by continuing to pray that our boy becomes stronger and healthier. That we are able to move quickly through this process and finally bring him home. We are amazed and speechless by the support we have received in the past 3 1/2 years. We love you all.