Love Hard

Hey friends.   So much has happened in the past 5 weeks.  Our breath knocked out of us in joy and in pain. High moments and very low moments.   

To me, MOWA approval was like the equivalent of my water breaking after a 4.5 year long pregnancy.   I was finally laboring and had a scheduled c-section date(court).  This is when you normally take custody of your child and begin the process of birth certificate, passport, and visa.   Days later you board a plane and bring your child home.  The day before we were scheduled to leave, the Ethiopian government issued a suspension of all adoptions.  After receiving the news, I went to my car and broke down.  

My c-section had been cancelled.   

We had no idea what was going to happen.  Our agency left it up to us whether to travel or stay home.  It wasn't even an option...I needed to be with my son more than ever.   

A few days later Josh and I were in Ethiopia, walking up the stairs to meet our son.  I have never been more nervous.   We found him in a room behind a table playing with his ball.   He was as beautiful as I had dreamed.  I knew in an instant he was going to come home.  It didn't matter what we had to do.  He must come home.  

As many of you know we passed court so Townes is officially our son.  The Ethiopian government still refuses to sign our exit letter so we can not take him out of the country.  I am still here.  I am missing my girls something fierce.   I do not know what to do.  We have no idea how long this will take.  Days, weeks, months.  I won't let myself go to years.  I just can't.   

This is by far the hardest thing I have done.  Your prayers are the balm to my hurting momma soul.   I have deeply fallen in love with Ethiopia.   The country, who's government is holding my son captive, is the same country that I am finding my refuge.   These people.  They are the most beautiful people I have ever met.  For many, every day is a struggle.  But yet they always smile.  They walk down the road hand in hand.  Arm in arm.  The children, who do not have a mother or father, give off more radiance than I have ever seen.  Beautiful people.  I can see how much God loves them.  I feel it.  They remain faithful while staring in the face of hunger and pain.   I want their kind of faith.  It's far more than mine.  

I am taking every day here to learn more.  To be better.  To love harder.  

Continue to pray.  I love you.  My village is something awesome.  

Pinch me

Today has been the most surreal day I have ever experienced.   I was in a really low place this morning.   I sat in my bedroom floor and wrote a post about how the last few days have been harder than most.  We still thought we had months left.  I sent our case worker an email telling her how much I was struggling with our wait.   

A few hours later my phone rang.  It was a Washington number.   I only know one place in Washington.  I tried not to panic but they haven't called me in months.  Maybe she was just calling to check on me after I sent that email.   Making sure I was going to be okay.  I mean it was pretty ugly.  

"Mandy, do you know why I am calling?" 

"Umm yeah, no, maybe? Do I???"

"Yes!   You have MOWA approval!!!"

After that we both just turned into blubbering tears and snot.  And I honestly don't remember a single word she said.  

Guys only hours after I posted how much I was struggling, we got the last approval we needed.   This is God.  He knew just when we were ready.  When our hearts were ready.   

What happens next?   We get submitted to court on Monday.  They could tell us a court date then or early in the week.   There's a good chance we could be leaving in the next week or so for Ethiopia!!!   

It's finally happening and it's your prayers that have helped us get here.  I can't stop crying thinking about the love and support we have received.   I will keep you posted when we get our court date!   And don't stop the prayers.  Please pray as we prepare to meet our son and for his heart.   This is going to be incredibly difficult for him.  Thank you tribe!  

Time

Time seems to be my enemy and my saving grace right now. It's odd. 

In one hand, time needs to slow way down.  Our boy is a little boy now, no longer a baby.  That became more evident to us in his latest pictures.   We are missing precious time.  Taylor is less than 2 months away from graduating high school.   Raegan is finishing her last weeks of middle school.   I want to freeze time.  

Then I want to speed it up.  I want to be at the end of this wait.  The faster time goes, the closer we are to him.  On Fridays I find myself saying "Yes!  Another week down!"   I want to get our boy and bring him home.   And more than likely we still have a pretty good wait ahead of us.  

I'm beginning to really struggle.  It seems to worsen daily.  The desire to have my family together is to the point where I find myself crying whenever I am alone.   I need to get my mind right.  I need to settle back in to where I was a few months ago and where I've been for the better part of this 4 year journey.  Knowing that it would be a while before we got the call.  I was for the most part content. Or maybe a better word was prepared for the long wait.  Well, I've thrown that out the window and I need it back.  There are families that have been waiting far longer than us.  They seem to do it with such grace.     

If you find my grace, can you send it back?

Cause my wait is just plain ugly right now.

Okay, enough whining.  I'll leave you with a side by side of the first picture we got of our boy to the latest.  My oh my.  

 

Happy Birthday

Our boy turns 2 today.   It's a bittersweet day, as a waiting momma.   Another year we have missed.  He is getting so big, and handsome.   He is the same size as his big sister.  He is learning all kinds of new tricks.  One being walking with support.   There was a day when we thought he might never walk.  Learning that he is doing so well makes my heart smile.   He is beginning to lose his baby face.

This is so hard.

Today I am going to try my best to be happy and celebrate this beautiful child God has given us.   Even if He hasn't quite placed him in our arms yet.  I know our time is coming.   When we can finally say this was all worth it.   I have learned so many things during this wait.  I can't say I am thankful for it but I know it is teaching me.  It is teaching me to be faithful, even(especially) when things aren't going the way I want them to.   As fast as I want them to.

We are in the midst of the last piece of this wait.   Only needing one more approval.   The one approval that can be quick or take forever.   We have no idea when we will receive it.   But we will continue to pray that it is soon.  I am so ready to smell and kiss my boy.  I am ready to tell him how much I love him.  I am ready to show him to you.

So Happy Birthday sweet baby boy.   I hope your day was filled with love, laughter, and dancing.

P.S.   He is one dancing machine!

Closer every day

Sorry for the blog silence.  It is quite busy in the Thurman household these days.  After we accepted Y's referral this summer we found out we had to completely redo our dossier.  I quickly brushed the dust off my binders and folders I had thrown in a cabinet after learning of our last baby boy's illness and subsequent loss of his referral.  We spent this past summer and fall updating our homestudy and gathering documents for dossier #3.   Three dossiers in 4 years...

Third time's a charm.  Right?!?!

As I type, I have a huge smile on my face.  There are many things I am thankful for during this holiday season.  One being that WE PASSED PAIR!!!!   This is huge guys.  There are two approvals we must have before traveling to bring our boy home.  One comes from the US Embassy(PAIR) and its purpose is to determine if the child being adopted is a true orphan.   Our case was closed last week and we received our PAIR letter in the mail Friday!   So next we need Ethiopia's approval.  This comes from MOWA.   This is a monster.  We are currently seeing cases sit at this step for a very long time.  Way longer than in the past.  Ethiopia has made some governmental changes recently and we are beginning to see movement again.  We are prayerful that this continues.  If I have learned anything in the past 4 years, it is this

Don't hold your breath Mandy.  It's Africa.  Things change all the time. 

This is our last step and we are more than ready to get our boy.   We get frequent updates on him and I have many friends traveling now to bring their children home.  They give him sweet love for me. We were able to send our first care package to him.   A photo album of his family.  I want him to know how much we love him.  He is doing so well.  Growing like a weed.  Sitting up by himself like a big boy.  Always smiling.  We are missing so much.  

Can you please pray with me that we move through this last part quickly?  That MOWA continues signing positive letters and letting families, who have longed to hold their children for far too long, go get their babies.

I will continue to update during this part of our process.   It is happening guys.   We are closer every day.  

God's Master Plan

I don't even really know where to start.  In my last post I told you that our agency had told us we couldn't really move forward in Ethiopia.  Our hearts were broken.  We still felt so strongly that our son was there.  Weeks went by.  I was struggling.  I spent most of my day dreaming about the son we would never know, crying, becoming more and more depressed.  Many things bothered me.  Our first referral, F.  We couldn't find him so I feared he had already become a victim of the sex trade. Our second referral, Y, was so sick that we were unsure how long he might survive.  Not that money is everything, but we had spent over $32,000 and were left with what seemed like nothing but emptiness.

On April 6th, I was at my lowest.  I remember saying how I felt God had completely abandoned us.  I couldn't feel Him anywhere.  I was angry.  Very angry.  I was in my car crying, screaming out to Him.  I began to question everything.  Were we really called to this?  I even questioned His love for me.

Why?  Why have you left us here?

My precious, fellow adoptive momma, friend had sent me a post from an agency asking for paperwork ready Ethiopia families earlier in the week.  Josh and I had discussed but there was no way we could start all over again.  Financially or emotionally.  We couldn't afford another $30,000+ nor could our hearts handle sitting on another wait list.  I had pushed it aside.

Until that moment.

I decided to call them and just ask what the fees would be.  It was nothing serious and I knew it was even ridiculous to call.  I asked for the Ethiopia coordinator.  She got on the phone.  I asked about fees and kinda filled her in on what we had been through the last 3 years.  I began to talk about our F.  I started to cry.  It hurt to talk about him.  Remember, we had been told he couldn't be adopted. Read here for more.  She asked me for his name...then his orphanage...then I heard

"Mandy, we have him."

"Do what?"

"Yes, we have him.  He's being adopted by a family that is completely in love with him."

And there I went.  Full on ugly sobbing.  Tears of disbelief and complete joy.  I can't go into details but our precious F is going to have a mommy and a daddy.   It's the answer to over a year of prayers.  The conversation could have ended there and it would have been amazing.  I mean, what are the chances that I found our F?   With God nothing is impossible guys.

So once I recovered we moved on to Y.  Our last referral that we learned, after 7 months, that he was so incredibly sick with 2 debilitating diseases.   Read here for more.   She told me about another little boy that was at Y's orphanage that was on their waiting child list.  She told me to take a look.

Okay.  Here we go.

I had always questioned the photo we had received of Y.  I did not feel that it was actually him.  It didn't look like the initial photo of him.  It didn't look like a child with the disability that he had been diagnosed with.  We were told it was, so I didn't push anymore.  I was laying in the bed still reeling from finding F when I took a good look.  Guess whose face was looking at me?  Yep, the same little boy whose face we had fallen in love with.

Mouth drop.  Well actually heart drop.

So I was right.  We had been given the photo of a different child.  I don't know why or how.  But we did and I was looking right at him.  The child we had stared at for months was sitting on this agency's waiting child list.   Waiting for his forever family.

I promise I am not making this up.  In one random phone call, I found 2 of our boys.  There are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia and in one 30 minute conversation I had found them.

So the same day that I felt that God had completely abandoned us, He began to untangle the web He had been weaving for so long now.  A plan that I was having trouble wrapping my head around.  I still am really.

I called the next morning to learn more about the little boy whose face we knew all too well.  His name starts with Y also.  He is 15 months and has some health issues.  Possibly significant ones. This agency has been amazing and we have received a diagnosis.  We do not know what this means exactly for his future.  There is a long range of possibilities from nothing to very serious.

He's beautiful.   And he's our son.  God lead us right to him.  Again.  And we can't turn away.   As scary as it is, we can't turn away.

So, different agency means we start all over again financially.    This is where we struggle.  We have no clue how we are going to do it.  We are just recovering from the previous $32,000.  We can only pray that this money went to benefit children in Ethiopia.   But now we have to come up with $14,000 in 2 weeks and another $3,500 in 30 days and another $5,500 in 2 months.  This doesn't include travel or any other fees required after the initial 2 months.   And there will be more.  

People have always said that God will provide.  And He did with the first agency and referral fees.   I must believe that He will with this also.  But I will not lie.  I am nervous.  I find myself being annoyed that I am so nervous.  I must trust Him.  I must trust that He, who makes all things possible, will make this possible too.  Our God that has moved so many mountains, sometimes right smack into our path, is working a miracle.  

Shew, so with ALL that being said my incredible friend has made us a fundraising page.  Josh and I struggle asking for financial help.  It is difficult and feels uncomfortable, but we can not do this alone.    If you would like to support us by giving a donation, please see Missy's page here.   If you cannot give financially, please support us by continuing to pray that our boy becomes stronger and healthier.  That we are able to move quickly through this process and finally bring him home.  We are amazed and speechless by the support we have received in the past 3 1/2 years. We love you all.

Finding His Purpose

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming pain in my heart.  This seems to be my new normal.  I miss my boys.  I miss being their mommy.  I have never wanted anything more in my entire life.

Throughout this journey, Josh and I have prayed for God to take hold and lead.  We would only follow.  Giving over complete control has been hard.  There are many times I wanted to grab the reins.

"Hold up here God, wrong way."

I wanted to tell Him that on March 24th, 2015.  And again on February 8th, 2016.  Both days when we lost our boys.

I have been holding off on writing this post.  Praying things would change so I wouldn't have to.  But they aren't and this is just where we are.  We are being told not to continue our adoption journey in Ethiopia.  There are many changes occurring and things are very unsettled.  Some of the proposed changes will greatly effect the opportunity for these children to have forever families.  This is disheartening.  Since the need is so great.  Millions of children who will never know the love of a mommy or daddy.

We have been given the opportunity to switch to our agency's China program.   We have prayed about this over the past month and will continue to.  Currently our hearts are not there.  I'm not sure if they ever will be. We are deeply in love with Ethiopia and 2 precious boys there.   We know this very well means we will never bring home our son.

So here we are.  Over 3 years, 2 boys, and $30,000 later.   We are more broken hearted than we have ever been but we know our God is unfailing and faithful.  I just can't help but wonder...

What was His purpose?  Why did He bring us to this?   What are we supposed to do now?

I am struggling with this being God's plan.  To open all of these doors and break our hearts for His children, to only slam them shut and leave us here.   To have us fall in love with 2 boys.  One having over a 75% chance of being a victim of sex slavery when he ages out and the other with such a severe disability it is unknown how long he will survive.  

I know that is not it.  That is not my God.  I know there is more.  I just wish I could see it.  Like right now.

Currently we are working on finding F.  The first little boy we were referred.  We are prayerful we will find him and fight to make him not just another statistic of a child left behind.  It is easy to run wild with the possibilities of connecting with F and having a future with him.  He can not be adopted but we yearn to have any type of relationship with him that we can.

I do know that Josh and I feel strongly led to help these children that will never come home.  Like our 2 boys.  We plan to travel to Ethiopia this year and become active with our agency's (un)adopted program.  

Is this it?  Was this His purpose all along?   Are we being called to love these children instead of bringing one into our home?

I wish I knew but in the meantime we will pray and continue to follow.  Thank you for your continued support.  This has been...well...it has been hell and you all have been there for us.  We love each and every one of you.

Sweet Y

Yesterday marked 3 years since Josh and I began this journey.  February 8th, 2013.  I was so nervous.  So was he.  It was scary, exciting, stressful.  I remember spending hours researching agencies, countries, the financial aspect of adoption.  I would sit and watch Gotcha videos all day long.  I would cry knowing that one day that would be us.  We would be walking through those gates to hold our son for the first time.  I still get chills thinking about it.  We knew we had a difficult road ahead of us.  Not one person had told us it would be easy.  

The past 3 years have taught me more about myself than I could have ever dreamed.  I can't think of any other experience I have ever had to go through being this hard. Single mom in nursing school...not even close.   I have seen things in myself that I did not know existed.  It is a testimony to what mothers can do.   God gives us a special gift.  A mother's intuition. 

February 8th, 2016.   Josh and I, once again, sat down to listen to someone tell us devastating news about a child we have grown to love.   A child we have prayed for.  A child we have dreamed of.  A child we have watched grow for 7 months. 

On January 11th we received an update on Y.  He looked different.  So incredibly sad.  Attached was a brief update.   He was sick.  I knew instantly it was bad.  A mother's intuition you may say.  For a month, I pushed and prayed like I had never prayed in my life.  On my knees, crying out to God to heal our sweet boy.  I wanted answers.  Yesterday we got those answers.

I am limited as to what I can say on social media but we received Y's medical reports.  He has a very severe disability, actually two.  At 15 months old, he is unable to support his head and neck along with a multitude of other problems.    We are unable to move forward with his adoption, for a few different reasons. 

Again, we are left heartbroken and empty.  I have been thinking about what to say and I just don't have the words yet.  My mind, nor my heart, has had time to process.   We are grieving...hard.   Please be patient with me.  I am not me right now.   I now have 2 boys that I will never hold or kiss their sweet lips. 

We do not know what is next.  I want to quit.  To save myself from ever feeling this pain again.   But God is still there, pushing us to keep going.  We both feel him.  Please pray that God continues to lead us, and that we continue to listen and follow.  It is so easy to turn from Him when you are deep in darkness but in Him comes light, and we know that. 

No one ever said it would be easy.  Easy it has not.  Thank you for all of your prayers.  You have been praying right alongside us since you learned he was sick.  I am so thankful to have each of you in my village. 

My sister-in-law sent me this.  I found it to be perfect. 

"Though I bring grief, I will show compassion. So do not despair when hard times come your way, and do not try to escape them prematurely.  Timing in My prerogative!  There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.  Grief is a season, and I use it for your good.  Unlike the four seasons of the year, the seasons of your life are not orderly or predicable.  When you are grieving, you may feel as if sorrow will accompany you the rest of your days.  But remember that I have promised to show compassion.  So great is My unfailing Love for you!"

Day 861

Yesterday marked 861 days since we were accepted into the Ethiopia program.  861 days full of highs and lows. Happy days and very sad days.  861 days I've waited to see my boy.   

For those who have been following our journey, you know that on February 5th we received a referral for a beautiful 6 year old boy.  He stole our hearts instantly.  Sadly, 7 short weeks later we were told we couldn't move forward with his adoption.  The days following were some of the darkest days of my life.  I felt an amazing sense of peace during this time though.  A peace that I know only comes from my God.  F will always be special to us.  We will love him.  Forever.  Due to the selfishness of man, he will have a tough childhood.  A life no one should ever live, much less an innocent boy.  He is our F.  After grieving the loss of his referral, we pushed on to find our Townes.  That brought us to day 861. 

Day 861 was exciting.  It was wonderful. It was absolutely crazy.  But guess what, I got to see my boy.  My sweet 8 month old baby boy.  I love his face.  Well and the rest of him.  It's just the picture only shows his face.  

When I was struggling with the reality of being pregnant and our adoption being pushed back, God was orchestrating His  plan.  So much more beautiful than I could ever imagine.  Sweet Townes was growing in his beautiful birth mother's belly just as Annalee was in mine.  This is unbelievable.  

Many ask, so when do you go get him?  Ha, that's a loaded question!  We have a while guys. Things are moving SLOW.  I'm preparing myself for a long wait.  I will try to update when we move along.  We have no way of knowing how long.  Just one of the lovely parts of adoption.  Hurry up and wait.  Celebrate every milestone along the way.  

Thank you for your continued support.  Day 861 rocked my socks off.  I love this day.  And I love you.  

The Boy We Thought Was Our Son

It's been a rough few weeks.  We received word that our case was being investigated further but that everything looked good.  We prayed this was true.   After a month, I began to fear something was wrong.  So much that I stopped looking at F's picture.   

Since February 5th, this little boy stole our hearts.  Finally a face to settle deep in my heart.  I carried his picture with me and proudly showed it off.  I would catch myself staring at this terribly pixelated picture.  I imagined this sweet boy being part of our family.  I saw him at our kitchen table during family meals teasing his older sisters, riding in the back seat trying to make Annalee laugh, playing on the farm with his cousins.  We had started to make plans for his room. 

But after receiving a phone call yesterday, we know that this precious child will not be our son.  Without giving too much detail, we can no longer move forward adopting F.  I had prayed that if this day came then it would be because he was going back to his birth family.  This would be joyful as every child deserves to be raised by their biological parents.   But we live in a broken world.  And this is not the case for the sweet boy who melted our hearts.  We live in a world where adults use children as chess pieces.  Where people put their own wants and needs before innocent children. In a world full of corruption.  And now this little 6 year old boy will quite possibly never know the love of a family.  We can pray that this will not be the case.  We will advocate for him. His picture will remain on our refrigerator.  He will always be special to us.  The boy we thought was our son.  

I do not know what God is trying to show us.  If He wanted our hearts broken a little more, then He has surely succeeded.  They're broken plum in half. Maybe F needed an advocate.  I don't know.  Please pray for this child.  Pray that something miraculous will happen and he will not spend the rest of his childhood in an orphanage.  I pray that he hadn't been told we were coming for him.  I pray he's not waiting for us.   

I do not know what lies ahead in our adoption process.  Right now we are trying to grieve the loss of F's referral.  We are trying to prepare our hearts to be joyful for our next referral.  Whenever that will be. 

His Face

I have some news that I want to shout from the mountaintops. 

I saw my son's face.  

That's right, we got THE CALL Thursday night.  It was the last thing I was expecting.  Those words I have been waiting to hear for 2 years.  "We have a little boy we'd like for you to look at."   My heart skipped a beat.  I could hardly speak.  My nerves.  Oh they were shot. Happiness, disbelief, nervousness, amazement.  Yeah, all that.  

I am unbelievably amazed at God's work in our adoption journey.  I could go on and on for days guys.  

Josh and I had been praying about increasing our age to 6.  We had discussed this during our home study update.  Never knowing less than a week later I would be looking at my precious boy.  

Our sweet little 6 year old boy.  We are in love.  Our hearts are so full.  

We officially accepted the referral today and are prayerful that Townes will be moved to one of the orphanages our agency is currently working with very soon. Like this week.  Please join me in this prayer.  It needs to happen.  

Now we work at getting him HOME. It's so hard to know when this will happen. Many things have to be done before he can.  We will go to Ethiopia twice.  These are averages, but our 1st trip for court could be around 4 months from now.  Then around 6-8 weeks between visits. 

We pray he will be home by the end of summer. Once again, we as adoptive parents love our timelines but I have learned to not hold tight to them.   

I also pray that his heart begins to heal.  That he will be open to us and let us in.  As exciting as all of this is, I now know some of my son's story.  And it breaks my heart.  Please keep him in your prayers.  He's suffered so much loss already.  I cannot imagine.  Sweet, sweet boy.  I love you.  

Thank you friends for all your prayers and encouragement.  You have lifted us with prayers when we felt this day would never happen. You have given from your own pockets to help make this happen. I don't know how to adequately say Thank You.  But Thank You.  Thank You.  

Welcome little one

We welcomed our curveball blessing September 10th.  She's pure joy.  I feel so blessed that God sent Annalee to us.  That He knew what our family needed when I sure didn't.  I know she's going to love her big brother as much as she adores her big sisters.  

We have more exciting news!  After speaking with our new social worker yesterday, we figured out that we had missed an email and we've moved on the list.  Yay!  Once Annalee is 6 months old we will be able to accept a referral.  That doesn't mean that we will receive one immediately.  Just that we can accept if  a child becomes available within our approved age range, boy age 0-4.  

This is our kitchen table.  I look forward to many meals being enjoyed as a family of 6.  I can only imagine all the stories and laughs that will be shared.  I might even look forward to all the homework being done at this table.  Yeah, probably not.  

Harder Days Than Others

Just need to talk, vent, I don't know.  Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, though I know it's not.  

While I'm carrying Annalee, and I get to feel every kick, turn, and even those adorable hiccups, my heart aches for my son today.  Like I could lay in bed and cry all day.  I guess it's true...she's growing in my stomach while he grows in my heart.  Don't get me wrong, she is definitely in my heart too.  I feel like it's going to burst sometimes with so much love for my 4 children.  I can't wait until she's here.  I'm ready to snuggle and comfort her in the same way I'm ready to for Townes.  

Being pregnant is making me realize more every moment I am missing as Townes's mommy.  I know God's timing is perfect and he will come to us at the exact moment he is meant to.  And this helps these feelings I have.  But I am still a mother, who just wants ALL her children safe and home.  

We remain #18 on the list.  Please continue to pray for referrals and our friends who are preparing to go meet their children.  Such an exciting time!  Thank you again for your unbelievable support.  

Spring has Sprung!

Spring has arrived and while we are working out in the yard and around the farm, I can't help but see Townes everywhere.  I see him feeding the cows, riding the gator and 4-wheeler with his sisters.  Following every move Josh makes...yes this scares me a tad.  Boys will be boys.  Oh, I can't wait.

I am so excited to be able to make this post.  It has been far too long since we got to change that number...December to be exact.  We moved from #20 to #18 in April.  Hallelujah!  This means that referrals are starting to pick back up and children are being placed with their forever families.  Thank you for your continued prayers!   

Curveball Blessings

Okay, so I haven't been doing a great job at updating the blog.  But honestly there hasn't been much to say.  

We continue to be #20 on the wait list.  Referrals have slowed tremendously.  This is due to many changes going on within Ethiopia.  We are asking for our friends and family to continue praying for Ethiopian adoptions and that we begin seeing referrals again...soon.  Most of these changes are being put into place to benefit the many children needing families so desperately.  The goal is to make adoptions more ethical, which of course we support 100%.  It's just hard.  The waiting.  I want Townes home more than anything I have ever wanted.  

But that's not really the reason why I am writing this post.  We have some big news.  Some very shocking news.  Josh and I will be welcoming a little one this fall.  I'm pregnant and due September 19th.

  

WARNING: Okay, so this post is laced with honesty.   And it's not all pretty.  I'm sorry.  

The past year our main priority has been Townes.  Becoming pregnant wasn't even a thought.  So much, that it's been hard.  I felt I knew what God had planned for our family.  I had found my passion.  I felt my faith had never been stronger.  I finally had things "figured out".   How silly of me.  This is what He does, isn't it?  Once we think WE have our lives figured out...bam.  I know this.  God is showing us how to really rely upon Him.  But it's difficult when it happens.  Especially if it means possibly having to bring your son home later than planned.  

We know that children are a blessing.  We know we will love this child, just like our others.  This curveball blessing we've been thrown.  We know there are so many people who pray daily to be in our situation.  We know all these things.  And we are coming around to the idea.  Of 4 kids...gulp.  

The Gameplan: So my first question was..what does this mean for our adoption process?   Thankfully we will continue moving down the list as referrals come in.  They will however skip over us until this baby is 6 months old.  So that means there is a possibility that we COULD be at the bottom of the list when we are ready to accept our referral.  This is good news.  My fear was that we would be "stuck" at #20 until Baby T is 6 months old.  

So Townes will be a big brother.  He'll have a sibling closer to his age.  It's going to fun...right?!?!   

My Girls

Let me tell ya folks about these girls of mine.  They have been on this roller coaster ride since the moment we asked them about adoption.  They have been there during my emotional breakdowns.  They have been up late at night working on fundraisers and helping the "paperchase".  They have heard the stories of the sick, hungry, dying children around the world.  I'm going to be honest, there are times when my heart hurt so much I didn't think this was meant for us.  But not my girls.  They have supported us with the grace and love only a mother can pray for her children to have.  They are the real thing guys.  I think at times they are more excited to welcome Townes into this family than Josh and I.  Taylor even asked for a suitcase for Christmas.  They can't wait to witness Ethiopia with us on our first trip.

Wanna see what I'm talking about???  Good.  We'll start with Taylor.   This is a poem she wrote for an English assignment.  I now have it framed in my living room.


Those kids in Africa
I wonder how they live everyday
I hear the millions of babies crying for help
I see all the things they live without
I want them to have enough food and water
Those kids in Africa

I pretend to think they are loved
I feel heartbroken they have to drink muddy water
I touch their cold hands
I worry they could get sick and die before their 1st birthday
I cry knowing nobody wants them
Those kids in Africa

I understand the orphanage is better than the streets
I say God has you in His hands
I dream one day there won't be any orphans
I strive to help them in any way
I hope they all have somewhere warm to stay because
I know they will get adopted very soon
Those kids in Africa

Okay, now wanna see what Raegan has been working on with my mom?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjHAeQOqlSk

Oh my heart!  I'm praising God for bringing our ENTIRE family on this journey!

What This Christmas Season Brings

I love this time of year.  I cherish the time spent with family and the time spent reflecting the birth of our greatest gift, our Savior.  This year I have begun to see the Christmas season in a slightly different light.  While we are sitting in our warm homes, feasting on delicious foods and surrounded by gifts and family, there are children sitting in orphanages cold, starving, with no one to hug them and tell them how much they are loved.

When we received our unexpected, very low number in November my prayers began to change.  For the past year, my prayers have mostly centered around decisions and sadly timelines.  Josh and I prayed that God would lead our adoption journey, which He has.  Josh and I prayed that WE would not have to wait long for our son.  I did pray for our son but not in the way I do now.  In my heart I still felt like we had years ahead of us, so our son possibly was not born yet.  When we received November's number, I knew he was born.  He is alive and possibly a toddler.  Not a baby that doesn't know much of what is going on around him.  This breaks my heart.  I now pray that God has His arms wrapped so tightly around Townes.  That our son is being protected from a broken world.  I pray that my son will be fed today.  That he is clothed today.  That he is warm today.  I pray that he felt love today. That he was not harmed today.  That he is healthy today.  I pray he knows that he is not just another child, left fighting alone, without anyone to love him.  I pray that in his sweet little heart that he knows we are coming for him.  That we are fighting as hard as we can for him.

A mother shouldn't have to pray this.  This is what keeps me up at night.  Will you join me in my prayer?

I have Faith that God will heal our son's heart.  While adoption is a beautiful picture of how God adopted us, please remember it comes from broken place. In this season of thanks, Josh and I are so thankful God opened our eyes and broke our hearts close to a year ago.

Okay, so here is December's number:

We moved 1 spot...yay!  This is of course our Christmas tree.  Wouldn't it be AWESOME if Townes is here with us next year and gets to celebrate possibly his first Christmas with a mommy, daddy, sisters, grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles!

Giving God ALL the Glory

Wondering where our November picture is? 

Towards the end of October we were given the opportunity to switch placing agencies with the possibility of a shorter wait time for the age child we are approved for, 0-4.  While this was exciting news, it brought about many more emotions.  Fear, nervousness, doubt.   

Was this what God was leading our family to do?

Are we making a mistake?

Josh and I prayed about the change and nervously made the decision to switch.  I began the process of compiling another dossier, the VERY large portfolio of important documents and paperwork that is sent to Ethiopia.  This took me almost 3 months to do last time and I was not looking forward to doing it from scratch again.  But God sure had His hand in this!  We were able to complete and send off our new dossier in 2 business days, that even included driving to Frankfort to have documents authenticated. How else would this have been possible???  Now...

We know this is what God is leading our family to do!

So, with that being said we received our new wait list number yesterday!  Ready?!?!

Anyone who knows my husband knows he can't sit still.  He loves to rock and will sit in this chair and rock until it scratches the floor.  While this drives me crazy at times, I can't wait to see Townes curled up in his Daddy's lap rocking in this chair.

Big difference, huh?  I was in complete shock and even called my social worker to make sure this wasn't a mistake.  Looks like we might just have our sweet little boy sooner than expected.  This brings crocodile tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat.  We do not know when we will receive our referral, it could be soon or a year from now.  I am not going to act like this does not cause me anxiety.  The unknown.  But God knows...and we have FAITH that God will show us our son's face when the time is right. 

We thought we had 2 years to save up the money for referral and travel costs.  Yeah, probably not.  :)So we are trimming fat, so to speak, and going down other avenues to have our $12,000 referral fee when the time comes.  We are also currently selling sheet sets for $35/set, beautiful cross bracelets for $24, and t-shirts for $20. 

What a great Christmas gift right? 

 

The bracelets come in an assortment of styles.  They are handmade and gorgeous! The sheets are available in twin, full, queen, king, and California king.  They come in many different colors and are SO comfortable. 

 

If you are interested in helping bring Townes home by purchasing a fundraiser item, please email me at thurmanmandy@yahoo.com.   Also, please support us by continuing to pray for us throughout this journey.  It is exciting but HARD and all prayers are welcomed. 

 

-Mandy

First Official Number

We received our first official wait list number!  I thought it would be fun to keep everyone updated on our progress by taking pictures of our "number" in places we see our son being when he is home.  So every month when we get our updated number, I plan on taking a picture and posting.  I hope to compile all of the pics in a photo album someday, so when he is older we can show him how much we were in love with him...even before we knew who he was.

Okay, drum roll please.......

This picture is in front of our house. I so look forward to the day when we are able to bring him through this front door.  When he is finally home.

DTE

DTE meant nothing to me 11 months ago.  Back when I was content with my little family of four.  Back before I knew what God had planned for our family.  Back before my heart was beautifully broken.  

Now it means one step closer to our son.  

We are DTE(Dossier to Ethiopia) guys!!!!  Thank you Jesus!  Friday morning our dossier was signed for in Ethiopia.  This means we are officially added to THE list.  What happens next?  We wait....  We will receive our wait list number on October 1st.  As referrals come, we will move up the list.  We are looking at a possible 14-18 month wait.  I am so excited to finally join the list but I know quickly the excitement will fade and be replaced by the desire to be off the list, to receive OUR referral.  

Currently Ethiopia is in its rainy season and we haven't seen much movement in the term of referrals, children being matched with their forever family.  Please join us in praying for referrals and speedier movement in court and embassy appointments.  These children need to come home.  The rainy season is cold and wet.  At the Transition Home, the staff usually hang the clothes to dry, as they do not have enough dryers.  You can imagine that a cold and rainy environment is not conducive to this task.  So the children are wet and cold and many sick.  They need to be home.  They need their mommy and daddy.  

We continue to be overwhelmed by the support of our community.  You guys ROCK!!!!